The Ascended, Steamwheedle Cartel EU PvE

[Quinnthalas]

Please Post your jokes here for all to share.

I may even give out a small prize for the best (and worst) Joke come New Years day.

[Quinnthalas]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,


"May I ask what the turkey did?"

[Lodos]

lol

[Aalbedon]

Bad jokes? Easy peasy :)

A husband turns to his wife one day and asks her "Honey, if I were to win the lottery, what would you do?"
"Well, I would take half of the winnings and divorce you!" She retorts.
"Alright, be looking forward to the divorce papers, here's half of the 20 quid I won!"

[Samaris]

Ali's joke reminds me of a similar one.

A man comes home, and shouts to his wife upstairs: "Honey, I won the lottery! Pack your bags!
The woman replies: Wow, that's great, should I pack for the ocean or the mountains?
The man goes: I don't care, just get the fuck out.

And my personal favorite:

Above a lake there's a dragonfly. However, there's a frog on a leaf on the lake, who's thinking: "hey, if that dragonfly goes a little bit lower, I've got a nice meal."
But, in the lake there's a fish, who thinks: "Hm. If that dragonfly goes a little bit lower, the frog will go for the dragonfly, and I can snap up the frog, and have a nice meal."
But near that fish is a bigger fish, who thinks: "If that dragonfly goes a little bit lower, the frog will go for the dragonfly, that fish will snap up the frog, and I can get to that fish, and I'll have a nice meal."
But near that fish, on the edge of the lake, there's a bear, who's thinking: "Hm, if that dragonfly goes a little bit lower, the frog will go for the dragonfly, that fish will snap up the frog, the bigger fish with go for the smaller one, and I'll just scoop out the bigger fish, and have a nice meal."
Behind the bear is a hunter, who thinks: "If that dragonfly goes a little bit lower, the frog will go for the dragonfly, that fish will snap up the frog, the bigger fish with go for the smaller one, the bear will scoop up the bigger fish, and I can get a clean shot at the bear, so I'll have a nice pelt, and if I feel like it, some bear meat."
However, near the hunter there is a mouse, and the mouse is thinking: If that dragonfly goes a little bit lower, the frog will go for the dragonfly, that fish will snap up the frog, the bigger fish with go for the smaller one, the bear will scoop up the bigger fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, be distracted, and I can go and eat the hunter's sandwich, and have a nice meal."
But near the mouse there is a cat, and that cat is thinking: "hey, if hat dragonfly goes a little bit lower, the frog will go for the dragonfly, that fish will snap up the frog, the bigger fish with go for the smaller one, the bear will scoop up the bigger fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, be distracted, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can pounce on the mouse, and have a nice meal."
So, what happens is, the dragonfly goes a bit lower, the frog goes for the dragonfly, the fish leaps for the frog, the bigger fish tries to snatch the smaller fish, the bear tries to scoop out the bigger fish, the hunter aims and shoots at the bear, the mouse goes for the sandwich, and the cat pounces for the mouse.
However, the cat miscalculated the jump, and lands in the water!
What can we conclude from this?


The longer the foreplay, the wetter the pussy.

[julliana]

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A Cloud.

What do you call a flea in space?

a lunar tic.

A black man and a Jew approach a bus stop. The black man asks:

"What time's the next bus due?"

Jew responds:

"Fuck off you black bastard".

[joselina]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line.

He says: "OK, now what?"